Comparing Apples and Pomegranates
11/8/25
“Don’t compare yourself to anyone” is great and also humanly impractical advice.
I’m fairly convinced you’d need to be some kind of emotional wall not to do that. It’s human nature to compare and compete, and want to improve.
Had a scenario happen today regarding writing stuff. Now yes, I know, “don’t give a fuck about what people think and just write what you like.” Yeah, I know, I have a cameo from Tim Downie basically saying that exact thing. It’s been helpful when yeeting my latest work onto my AO3 page, however…
We’re gonna start this off by saying I am Not Good™ at writing smut. I’ve written it and it’s okay, but it’s not great. So when I DO write it it’s weird exposing uncomfy thing for me. On the upside, smut of any flavor is what drives traffic on AO3 so… there’s that. Anyway, the last two smutty bits I wrote were similar scenarios (listen, I can’t help it if the OCs keep wanting to bang in a dirty bar bathroom). Today, a friend dropped a piece set in the same set, essentially.
I woke up to her writing getting the reactions mine will never get. The icing being “I've never in my life wanted to bang in a dirty bathroom stall but you make it sound good.”
Well. Thanks. I guess my bathroom smut was trash. Or at least, that’s what it feels like now.
I know- don’t compare myself, but it’s hard not to when the scenarios are SO SIMILAR. It only goes to confirm what I’ve felt- I’m shit at writing smut.
Which would be fine… if my non-smut got traction. Of any sort. But apparently no one wants to read non-smut. So I keep dumping Big Emotions on the page and feeling satisfied by it and get… nothing. Or almost nothing. Not even kudos from my friends. Thanks, guys.
I know I know… “remember what Tim said in that cameo.” Well, I do, and it doesn’t make this feel any less sucky.
Add to that I’m sitting here at home, being emo on a blog no one reads (by design, which is fine) while my friends are at a party I am, essentially, not cool enough to be invited to. I love it here.
Part of me wants to go write the next big angsty, “hurt my feelings” installment in my AO3 series, and part of me just wants to sit here and feel sorry for myself.
Who knows what I’ll actually do. I hate this time of year where I get way too far into my feelings and have such a hard fucking time finding my way back to the light again.